Brooklyn in Love review

Thanks to netgalley for the free book.  I’m not a fan of it.  Written about a well off woman who finds love and has a child.  It was hard for me to relate to the character.  Wouldn’t read it again. 

Awful

I’m just wondering what kind of pos doesn’t even tell his child happy birthday or merry Christmas.  I’ve racked my brain trying to figure that out.  But I have no words. Pathetic.  Loser.  Deadbeat.  Those come to mind.  I’m not even sure if those are strong enough for that kind of person. You want him out of your life.  You want to sign over your rights.  You got it!   

Love Freebies

Thank you netgalley for the free book.  I'll write a review as soon an I'm finished with it.  ❤️❤️❤️

I’m not a huge fan of history but this book was well written and good to read.  Shout out to netgalley for the freebie!! 

RIP

Well today is the day we say goodbye to you; to lay you to rest. Words cannot express the sadness that my heart feels. I am still having a hard time believing that you are really gone. Last Friday I talked to you just thirty minutes before your wreck. You were kidding with me about OSU…. I could do was roll my eyes and make a joke about them sucking. We were going to “wait and see” how the season went. Now nothing. No waiting. No seeing. Nothing. I wish I had talked to you later. I wish it was different. Maybe if I had kept talking to you, you wouldn’t have been in a wreck. Anything. But now you are gone. The shock from the news was over whelming. The thought of never hearing from you again is heart breaking. No more kidding about OSU/OU. Or you giving me a hard time about the Dallas Cowboys, or my “white legs”. No more brotherly advice on guys. No checking on me or the kids. Nothing. It is all gone. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! It isn’t even fair. The world lost an amazing person. A tender-hearted man. A true hero, not only to this town but also to this country. I know you are in a better place; I know you are in Heaven. You were an Angel on Earth to so many people. Your kindness touched countless lives. The love and support that I have read on your Facebook page is so touchy, truly beautiful that that many people loved you. This world is a better place because of you! I will forever be grateful for your kindness and caring ways towards me and the kids. I will dearly miss you. Thank-you for being my friend for the last 4 years. I wish it had been a lot more, but I am grateful for the years that I did get. So, for you James…. Go Pokes!! I hope they have a hell of season just for you!

Disc golf

     

Everyone had some much fun.  We will be doing that again.  ❤️

Duncan Hines Sample

The Duncan Hines #howperfectisthat freebie from #influenster

I wasn't too sure about this at first.  A cake in a mug that only takes water and 70 seconds..... but I was surprised.  It is quick, easy, and acting not bad at all.  Even my kids liked the cake.  Some icing on top would have made it a little better, but then again I am an icing junkie.  But over all not bad at all.  I would recommend it, and may buy a box for myself when I was something sweet but short on time.

Fences Movie

I rented the movie Fences.  I have to say the only reason I wanted to see it was because of Viola Davis.  I had no idea what the movie was about.  But I did enjoy it.  It was pretty emotional though.  The movie is about love, life, and even a cheating husband, and then death.  Viola Davis  and Denzel Washington both do a wonderful job!! 

A Thousand Boy Kisses Book Review

Wow!  Seriously very well written! The book is sad but so good!! Five stars!! It's a must read but have you Kleenex ready! 

If you have read it, let me know what you think.  

She said yes-

I love this so very, very much.  Saving to read every.single.day. 

She said yes-

To saying goodbye to everything and everyone who had broken her heart.

To forgiveness and not letting bitterness ruin her.

To not looking over her shoulder at memory lane, to not trying to bang down a door that's been purposefully shut, and to not wasting away her life waiting for someone to come back and love her.

To becoming wise, learning from her bad choices and mistakes.

To not letting men use her, abuse her, cheat on her, or treat her with less respect and care than what she deserves. 

To letting go of fears and embracing "I can's".

To being herself and loving her smile, her heart, her spirit and her body -to knowing she's loveable.

To trusting God in all areas of her life.

To having huge and crazy dreams and not letting anyone talk her out of them.

To loving herself, taking care of her body, her mind, and soul. 

To not letting the ashes, burnt up dreams, heartaches and disappointments destroy her or keep her from her God given destiny. 

To smiling, laughing, being silly, having fun, being creative and letting each moment count.

To letting him know she can live without him, that her worth never is based on his perception of who she is. 

To kissing that fool goodbye for the last time. 

To being lovely, sparkly, shiny and vibrant. 

To taking her tears and making them useful. She writes, she sings, she creates, and she wipes the tears of others, reminding them that God can heal their hearts too. 

To allowing herself to be available to romantic love again but with higher standards. She's a daughter of God, after all.

To walking out and living in her God given purpose and destiny. To be being a Queen for such a time as this. Yes, she can do it.

To wearing the pretty shoes and walking in authority, stomping and crushing the enemies lies beneath her feet!

To dancing and going to high places. 

To hanging out with winners, believers, overcomers and achievers; accepting healthy and inspiring people in her life, saying no to people who suck the joy and life out of what God has created to be beautiful and honor Him. 

To growing, glowing, giving, sharing, and loving.

To expecting the good and beautiful and expecting blessing and favor to be in her life.

Written by Jenny Williams  Copyright 2013 A Modern Day Ruth

Replaced

Wow to be replaced in less than a week. She was probably in the picture when we were together. Spending nights with her. I was a joke. Nothing. Someone to use and abuse.  Everyone was right, you were using me, I should have listened. How dare you!!!  You have no conscience. None.  All those things you were saying about me being a whore, that I'm cheating... They were about yourself. And allowing Rhett around her.  Wow.  Words can't explain this.  I'll never forgive you.  Never.  I didn't mean a damn thing to you.  I hope I never see you again. All I would be looking at is a fake. A liar. A cheater. Once your money is gone, she'll leave you.  She won't support you. Don't bother ever contacting me again. I won't listen. I won't answer. This was too much. Too much for me.  Time won't heal this.  

My Letter

As I sit here and have had time to reflect on things, some things are still unclear.  Maybe they always will be.  I'm not sure.  After spending your life with someone for two years, someone you want to marry "by the end of the year", the "love of your life" how can you just walk out. No goodbye.  Nothing. Calling them was wrong, but that's it never again wrong?  No.  There's more.  There has to be.  I supported you for two years, always there for you, especially when you were crying.  You can't say the same.  I was bawling.  I was begging.  You felt nothing.  You showed no concern for me at all.  No concern for my kids.  No concern for my well being.  You felt nothing.  How is that possible??? Maybe there is someone else.  Funny how you get some money and you want me out of your life.  What, were you worried I would get some of your money? Or that you may have to pay for something? Or maybe you were worried that you may have to take me on a date? Whatever the reason it's shitty.  No excuse.  After me being there for you that one night and how awful you behaved you couldn't be there for me??  Well I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for whatever I did or didn't do that made you not love me.  I'm sorry you found "someone else to sleep with" like you wanted.  I'm sorry I was never good enough.  I'm sorry all of my efforts were never good enough.  I would have done anything for you!!  And now for what?  To be thrown away?  That really isn't fair.   And I'm sorry for what is going to happen.  If I did nothing right for two years, I did protect you.  More than you will ever know.  You, unfortunately can't say the same.  My health isn't great, and not once did you show concern. But I protected you. Not because I had too but because I love you. You don't love me and I can't protect you anymore.  You won't ever hear from me again, just like you want. You want me gone so much you will get your wish.  I hope you change your ways someday.  I hope you find whatever you are looking for that will make you happy.  This is my goodbye.  This is my closure Maybe I'm not suppose to understand but I know I won't allow another man to put me through this kind of hell again.  Goodbye to you.   

A little fashion today

Bear paw boots.  Kohls tights.  Simple but comfy!!! Love this outfit! 

Lies

As I sit here I'm left with questions. Questions I can't answer.  To be lied to so much; its crushing.  I see he was trying to hurt me and he succeed at that.  Words can truly express what I'm feeling.  After knowing some one so long and now knowing that he lied so much to me. But why??  I told him from day one I can't deal with lies.  And I can't.  What did I do to deserve this?  Whatever it is, I'm sorry.  I really am. I wish I could take it back because I would.  There no apology. No explanation. Just lies and then gone.  No contact.  Nothing. I'm left to pick up the pieces; to make sense of this somehow.  I was nothing. Truly nothing to him. I'm sorry for everything that I ever did. 

Never again.

Don't ever stand for any type of abuse.  Verbal or physical.   By the way, I was HOME while you were calling me these names!!!!! 

Tonight

Well tonight my whole family is having a birthday dinner for my oldest son. And I will be the only one there without someone.  No partner.  No spouse.  Nothing.  Because the one I was with chose someone else.  Because I didn't compare to her in his eyes.  Because he has been with others.  How humiliating for me.   I'm a joke.  I was a game.  I gave my all and it wasn't good enough.  I've been married and now this.  It's almost too much to bare.  

Thoughts

Well my Counslor thinks I should start writing more. Expressing my feelings. Get them out.  She thinks it will help.  Maybe she is crazy, or maybe she has a point.  Who knows.  Im not sure what the point is anymore.  To get better?  Is that even possible at this point? 

So what do I feel.  I feel like I am in a deep dark hole, one that no matter how much I climb, crawl, or scratch I won't be able to get out of.  A lonely depressing hole, where all I can hear are my thoughts on how I'm a failure. How apparently I am hated and don't deserve to live.  All the names I have been called.  It's all on repeat; through the day and night.  All I can think is that I'll be stuck here forever.  Whatever forever is.  

Nope, I don't feel better.  Maybe tomorrow.  

Compares

If a man compares you to his ex or exes often, comparing you and making you out to be a less of a person than that's a sign you should move on. Nothing good will come from that.  It's a sign that he isn't over that person. You should leave!  It will get worse.  He will end up picking that person. Maybe not today or even tomorrow but at some point. He will pick her.  They always do.  And then someday when your relationship is over he will let you know what your replacement will be like.  He will even compare you to someone he doesn't even have or maybe he does.  So don't break your own heart with him. Save your dignity and don't let it get that far.  Because once it does and all you ever deal with is being compared. Compared where you are the worst person. It will ruin you.  It will destroy you. It will put you in a deep depression.  So leave because it gets to that. Run!!!  Don't be compared.  Especially to someone he still loves.  

My pain.

I don't understand.  Maybe I'm not meant to understand.  Love is a funny thing. People throw the I love you's around like nothing in today's time.  Nothing is special. For me, I love you means I Love You!!  With all of me.  It doesn't come and go. It doesn't depend on my mood.  I love you. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad.  From now till forever.  I love you.  Maybe I love too deeply.  Maybe I am rare or weird.  Probably so.  To me, you defend the one you love.  You protect them. You take care of them.  You don't compare them to anyone, especially an ex.  And especially not repeatedly.  You don't "hate" them.  They are your person.  They are the one you go to. You are open and honest with the one you love.  But in today's time everyone has secrets. Big and small. Daily life crap secrets. Someone can say I love you and make you last on the list.  Seriously??  That's BS in my mind.  Once again I'm odd, I know.  

So now I hurt.  Because I love too deeply.  Because moving on is the hardest thing for me to do.  Because I suck at moving on.  Because I miss that person so much.  Love doesn't end when goodbyes are sad. Or not for me.  Maybe I'll recover. Maybe I won't.  Time will tell.  

Love

The love of your life.  What is that?  Is it even real?  I use to believe in it. Now I'm not so sure.  If you think someone is the love of your life, but you aren't the love of his life; does that really make him the love of your life?  Shouldn't the love of your life also have you as the love of his life?  In my mind that's how it's suppose to be, but unfortunately it usually isn't that way.  Not in today's time.  Do people really have more than one love of their life?  That doesn't seem possible either. Or not to me.  Maybe I'm just not that loveable.   

Hate

"I hate you". When you love someone those are probably the most painful words ever to hear.  To find out that the person you love/ loved doesn't feel the same way about you, that's crushing.  That can destroy your heart and soul.  Hate is such a strong word. It's worse than dislike or even not care for.  Hate- passionate dislike; loathe, despise.  Ouch!  Hearing it once hurts but can be forgiven.  Maybe it slipped out.  But multiple "I hate you"s isn't forgivable.  There's no amount of I'm sorry that can put the pieces of your soul back together.  Even if you hate someone try and put yourself in that person's place before you ruin them.