Last surgery

Well I figured since I haven't written on here in a while, I would start back up.  I guess I'll start with my last surgery, since all the rest are on here. Maybe someday I'll look back and be able to laugh about it, but probably not since my body is more like a horror story.  

Anyway, here goes.  Saturday all day I was hurting. I still have pain on the left side from my surgery before this one.  But Saturday April 25th it was on my right side.  Different.  I told myself maybe  I'm ovulating.  I reminded myself that I had just had an ultrasound that Monday before and everything was ok except for a cysts that we were going to watch and recheck in June.   No biggie.  Sunday morning still hurting.  So I took 4 Motrin and a pain pill.  By afternoon, still hurting. More medicine, which is what both my doctors were telling me to take.  By evening, I was barely able to walk so I knew I had to go to the ER.  I got there around 6:30 pm.  I was wondering if I had a kidney stone.  They did a ct scan, and found that I do have a kidney stone but that wasn't what was hurting me.  Blood work.  Started an iv.  Four rounds of pain medicine.  Nothing was helping. They did an ultrasound. I have had millions by this point. But it was taking a long time. So I asked if things were ok?  She asked if she could do the ultrasound another way cause she couldn't see the blood flow too well.  I agreed.  During that it was taking a REALLY long time.  So I asked again if things were ok. She tells me she's just a tech and the doctor will talk to me.  I said that can't be good.  Which I was right.  The doctor comes in and says there is an issue with the right ovary, and he called in the gynecologist to see me.  Definitely thinking at this point things aren't good.  So I made some phone calls to inform family.  The gyno comes in and explains the blood flow to my right ovary isn't getting there and they can't let me leave. At this point I'm throwing up a lot.  Probably 15 times in two hours.  He explained that it may be twisted and they are hoping to do surgery an untwist it and save it.  Worse case, I'll lose the ovary.  I explained that I only have the right left.  He said he would do everything he could but with how long I had been hurting it wasn't promising.  Damn me and my stubbornness!!! They call in everyone and prep the OR.  I had emergency surgery at 11:30 pm.  When I woke up I asked if I had my right ovary and was informed that I didn't.  The crying began than.  The first week was hell.  Emotions everywhere. Crying a lot.  I'm still healing and dealing with emotions and we are trying to balance me.  If that's even possible.  I just hope to feel like myself again. Someday.  I don't feel much like a woman anymore, my female organs have been robbed from me.  Hopefully I will adjust at some point.  I was suppose to keep that ovary till I was mid 40's.  It only lasted alone for seven months.  I'm still in shock.  

If you have been through this, I would love to hear from you.  

Sums It Up

This sums up my Sunday and part of my Monday.  Crazy. And not in a good way. I would be perfectly happy to never see another doctor or hospital ever again.  

Body issues

I'm wondering how much more my body is going to put me through.  Endometriosis, PCOS, bleeding issues- which almost cost me my life more than once, a hysterectomy, my appendix,  and now the removal of an ovary.  Seriously???   What's next? Nevermind I don't want to know.  I already have days where I don't feel like a girl because I don't have a uterus. Part of me is missing.  Not that I enjoyed periods or anything but still. I was use to feeling like a female.  And now let's throw my hormones off. My hormones are already crappy. I'm an emotional wreck sometimes. Making that worse doesn't sound like fun to me.  Six surgeries in 11 years is too much. Maybe there is no fixing this. I don't know what else to do with this body.  Be in too much pain or keep having surgeries.  I'm in a no win. 

One Year

Well it has been a year plus a few days since my hysterectomy.  Let's just say life sucks!  I'm still having some bleeding, which isn't "normal" at all. My pain is awful.  I have a lot of other issues that I won't go into here. Hell, I can't even tell my doctor everything.  A hysterectomy didn't fix me.  If anything it made things worse.  It's like my body is angry and taking it out on me.  Maybe I should of taken my chances with precancerous cells.  What I do know is, something has to change.  I'm too old to still be in this much pain. The last few days I've had to take a pain pill at bedtime to get a little relief so I can sleep. And if you know me a pain pill knows me out!  That's why I can't take one during the day. Plus I hate drugs.  But the misery I'm in is ridiculous.  :( they need to find something for endometriosis and PCOS. I'm so worried about my young daughter.  Everything that I have is heredity.  And I know she will have these problems. It makes me sick thinking about it.  No one deserves this.  I see my doctor in a few weeks, I'm sure I'll hear the same crap all over again...."there's not much else they can do for me".   All I know is a hysterectomy wasn't the answer.  

My Journey (7 Days Post Op)

7 days, 1 week out of surgery... so when does the healing start happening?  I am more bruised today than two days ago.  My moods and emotions are everywhere.  I can't control them, and at times I can't even stand me.  I am so sad and heartbroken.  I am still in a lot of pain, even though I am not on my pain pills and haven't been for 5 days.  Yesterday I made my belly button bleed from sneezing.. a simple sneeze.  I am not sure if I tore a stitch or what.  With my last surgery I tore a stitch or two post op in my belly button, that was because I was doing too much.  But I have been too much this time too.  Resting isn't happening too much at all.  So who knows.  I just want to feel normal.  Or at least better.

My Journey (Day Five Post Op)

Today I'm five days out and today sucks! It's Monday so that means taking kids to school, going to Walmart, cleaning, picking up the kids, baby sitting, homework, etc, etc. fun times. Not really. I'm in a lot if pain today. I didn't sleep much at all last night. I feel lost and my emotions are out of control. I would never recommend a hysterectomy. Not that this was really my choice though.

Here are some pictures of bruising. I think I hate my doctor right now.

 

My smallest incision with the least amount of drama.

My worst one.  This one is black and looks awful!

Another one.  Yellowish green.

That is down my leg.  I can't show you the other parts of me that are BLACK!!! 

Belly button, it looks better than last time, but hurts badly.  Some bruising, worst inicion though.

 

Other parts of me are black.  I have never seen a bruise so big or black in my life.  It is awful!  I would think it will be here for a month of more.  I can't see this thing going away anytime soon. 

 

I can't believe what my body looks like.  It makes me cry daily to see it.  And then to know what I have been through makes me cry more.  Crying is the only thing I am good at right now.  Or being mad at the world.  I am good at that too.

My Journey

Here I sit almost 72 hours post op, and this is a nightmare.  The surgery went ok, the recovery is sucking though.  I look like I was in a knife fight and I lost.  My stomach look awful, 4 incisions.  I am bruised.  I hurt.  And the baby isn't an easy baby.  Everyone seems to want to help with the older kids, the kids that can walk and go to the bathroom alone. But the baby, that seems to be my job.  Carrying him around is killer on me.  He kicks me in the incisions.  This has been going on since I came out of surgery.  He stayed with me in the hospital and 12 hours after surgery I was carrying him around to calm me down to get him to go to sleep.  Standing in the bathroom crying while holding him because I was in so much pain, because I couldn't take the pain pills cause they were making me sick and the hospital wasn't allowing me food.  And now, nothing has changed.  I am done crying.  I am still hurting.  I am still doing things I'm not suppose to do.  I haven't had  a pain pill in over 24 hours now, and probably won't take another one.  They make me too tired and I can't take care of the kids.  All I do know is that I shouldn't of had surgery.  I have no idea how I am going to pay for this, and it's already something I regret.  My body is taking a beating, while it is trying to heal. I am so swollen, and it is very lopsided.  The nurses said that was ok.  Seems odd to me though.  It would make more sense if the side I carried Parker on was more swollen but it isn't.  I guess the only decent thing about all of this is I don't have precancerous cells, at least for right.  But I don't feel like me.  Part of me is missing.  Part of me, that I need.