Back To School

I cannot believe that it is school time again!  Didn't we just get out for summer break, like yesterday?  I guess not!  I still haven't even edited our vacation photos yet... yikes!  I am behind!  I am so sad to see them go.  I love having them home with me each and everyday.

 

Crying...

 

 

 

 

As I sit here and cry, trying so hard to hold it back.  To swallow my sorrow.  To bury my emotions. But somehow tears keep running down my face.  So many thoughts and feelings, things left unsaid.  Things were suppose to be different.  But somehow things always turn out where I am the one who gets hurt.  Maybe that is my fault.  Maybe I am too loving and giving.  Or maybe just unlovable. It's amazing what my heart has been through, and somehow it hasn't just stopped working.  It keeps beating, reminding me to keep going. So now to push through my tears and regain control over my emotions.  If not for my own sake, then for my children's, after all they are my heart, they are my world.  

Unloveable

As I sit and reflect on my life, this seems to be very fitting.  I'm in my early 30's, been married twice and divorced twice.  One of the marriages was a mistake, the other I felt like it was meant to be, he didn't feel the same way. I was blinded by love before.  But unfortunately, the men that I married never loved me.  Time was wasted on the wrong men.  Even wasted love on the wrong man.  No man will love me, and that is ok.   The older I get the more I see that I don't need a man to love  me.  I have six amazingly wonderful children, who I love with every ounce of me and they love me back.  I also have 3 kids that are a part of my life (who are not mine) that I adore and care for like they were my own.  It use to get to me often that someone who loves so much, isn't loveable.  But honestly that is the man's fault for not seeing the good things in me.  Not seeing me for me.