My Wants

I am not even sure if anyone is reading this blog anymore.

David and I haven't been getting along too well the last few weeks. It is mainly because I have different wants then he does. My wants are as follow, I want to homeschool the children, I want to move out of here (town and maybe state), I want to foster care, and I want to foster dogs.. all of these wants do not have to be done at the same time. I would like to homeschool the children starting this school year, and I want to move away right this minute. But David has said no to all of them. He doesn't understand why I want to homeschool, he wants to stay in this town because of the money, he doesn't feel a need to foster anything. So who is right and who is wrong? Well in this house I have lost. Here are my reasons for my wants.

Wanting to homeschool: I do like the school Michael has been going to (Connor will start Kindergarten there this year now), I went there and my dad went there so it is like a family thing. I know a lot of the teachers which is helpful. Michael makes good grades there, and it isn't an easy school at all, but there test scores are really good. So all of that I do like. I love that about the school, and if I had to pick a school for the children it would be that school. But I feel like I can do better. I know I can. There would be 5 total in my classroom, where there is 20 in Michael's class. Michael was bored last year and didn't do most of his work because of it, with homeschooling there is no boredom, when he is ready to move on we would. No waiting for a classroom of children to "get" it. Michael now hates reading, and it is because of the school. I am not happy that he hates reading, he use to love it. I want my children to love learning. But it isn't going to happen. I have tried talking to David about it several times and he doesn't want to at all. The reason he will give me is because he is happy with the school they are going too. But he would probably be happy with any school.

About moving away: I don't care where we go, just away from here. I don't like this town at all. The town we live in is from anti children. We have nothing for families to do. It is boring. The main thing this town has is old people. Old people that don't care for kids. It is never going to change either. This town hates change. This town doesn't like anything new, they like the same old things. I would love to move to Dallas or some place like that. But I would even be ok with staying in this state just moving to a different town. One that actually has family things to do. I have no real friends in this town. I had two friends and one has already moved away in 2006 and the other is moving away soon. It isn't like I will be leaving friendship behind. Making friends in this town isn't easy to do. I am involved in Michael's school, I am there for everything and still haven't made any friends there. Making friends as an adult and a parent is hard, there is the issue with age difference, and that most women my age have 1 or no children still or like to party still, women David's age think I am too young (or at least look it), then the parenting issues is a whole other story. I am very involved with the children so a working mother and I don't have a lot in common, and someone that has 1 or 2 children just doesn't understand why we have 5. So many issues there. And of course moving away from here, would mean less of David's mother which would be a good thing for us all. David wants to stay because of his job, which I understand that. But money isn't everything.

About fostering: I have a big heart. I love children and animals, they are my passions (and photography). But there are so many children and animals that need love and I feel like we should open our doors to them, and help out when we can. Children are such a blessing and some people don't take care of their blessings, and I would love to be able to help those children out and give them a safe loving home. I use to have a dog rescue back in 2002, and I loved helping homeless dogs out, and finding them a good home. But David doesn't want to do either. He isn't giving like I am.

It is very upsetting to me. I feel like these are important things, and things that one should think about before making a decision. But the decision has been made, my wants are just not going to happen.